It will always be a struggle. I will overcome

It has been a little over three years since I went under the knife and had gastric bypass surgery. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I just didn’t know how hard it would be. I’ve told people who give me the “you took the easy way out” look how hard it really is. I don’t know if I believed those words.

Gastric bypass surgery isn’t for the faint of heart. It isn’t for someone looking for the “easy way out”. Gastric bypass surgery takes work. Gastric bypass surgery is a last resort. I thought I understood all these words I’ve said. I really did not.

I have thought that the people who put back on weight after gastric bypass surgery were lazy and unmotivated. I’ve said it. It is partially true. I know this from experience. I’ve gotten lazy and I’ve seen about 20 pounds creep back on. I’ve gotten lazy. I’ve become complacent. It is easy to be lazy. It is easy to be complacent.

I knew that the honeymoon period would end. The doctors talk about it. Gastric bypass surgery does not change how the brain is wired. It gives you a tool to get the weight off. Honestly, the rest is up to you. It is a daily choice. I’ve been making poor choices. I’ve been lazy. I haven’t been exercising. I’ve been eating things I know that I shouldn’t. I’ve been eating when I’m depressed. I’ve been eating when I’m happy. Gastric bypass does not change addictions.

Food for me is an addiction. It always had been. If I could rewire my brain I would. I eat when I’m not hungry. I find ways around my smaller stomach by eating small amounts more often so I don’t have an upset stomach.

I have made the decision to get back on track. I’m not doing it through dieting. I’m doing it by changing my behaviors. I’m doing it by making better choices when it comes to food. I have to look at it this way. Dieting is a temporary fix. It doesn’t solve the problem of the brain. It doesn’t fix an addiction.

I have to remember the commitment I made to myself when I started my journey four years ago. When I walked into the informational meeting I made a commitment to not let myself get out of control again. I made a commitment that I wanted to live. I didn’t want to die of diabetes or a heart attack. I wanted to be healthy. I will admit, I wanted to stop being the fat girl with a pretty face.

I need to take my life back from addiction. It is going to be even tougher now. I have the tools to do it. I KNOW how to do it. I need to just follow through.

(I refer to just Gastric Bypass surgery in this blog because this is what I am familiar with. There are other weight loss surgery options. None is harder or easier than the other. I chose the one that I felt was best for me. Each person who has the surgery is a strong person. They just have to find a way to overcome addictions. It is not easy. I commend each and every person who makes this choice. I wish them nothing but success in their journey. I hope that they are realistic of their expectations. I hope they realize that relapse is possible. I hope they have the power to overcome once the honeymoon is over. People can’t be afraid to ask for help. It isn’t failure if you recognize the problem and fix it).